Women are famous for chasing after men far longer than they should. Far longer than many think is rational. Outside perspective sees clearly that the man is either a) just being polite or b) completely jerking around this twitterpated woman who is blinded by her infatuation. Most women, at sometime or another, have been there. Heck, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccilo even wrote a women's self-help book about the temporary infliction that affects so many women. Their book got so much attention that they later made a movie based the book.
But what about when the tables are turned? Men do it too! Below is a story of just such a man. A man who I now believe I'm going to have to beat over the head to get into his thick skull that: I am in fact, just not that into him.
Read on: SHE'S just not that into, part I
I recently went on a hike with a meetup.com group for people with active dogs. The group wasn't big; 4 humans and 6 dogs. Two other women besides myself and one guy. Looking back, as you always do in these situations, you wonder "where did it all go wrong?" There were only 4 of us, did we chat? Of course. There were only 4 of us. We certainly did not talk exclusively or even more with just each other than the rest of the group. He started talking to me about some park/hike he's done and I'm politely listening even though I really am not familiar with the area yet and pretty much had no idea where this place was. We're also hiking and maneuvering other people and dogs so I really only able to half listen & assumed he was just making conversation about dogs and hiking since it was related to what we were doing.
Then out of nowhere: "If you want to do that hike sometime let me know. It's a good one but it's always better with two people." flag #1! Alert Level: yellow. I tell myself to not be conceited. He's just being polite. Brush it off. This first flag it stuck in my mind, and I thought I better nip it in the bud right off. So I went on the meetup site and posted publicly to said guy suggesting that he make whatever park he wanted to do a PUBLIC/GROUP activity. SHE'S just not that into tip #1: she always suggests PUBLIC outings.
Since the hike and my suggestion of the group hike, two weeks ago, he has emailed me THREE times! ugh. His first email was something very polite like "hey it was nice to meet you and your dog. I think the meetup group has it's hikes listed already. Let me know if you want to go sometime, I'd be happy to take you." I don't think I even responded, not because I was blowing him off but things came up and I forgot about the email. A couple days later I got ANOTHER email. It was one of those things were you feel bad because if you were into him it would have been cute. But since you're not it's just "ugh." His second email said his dog was wondering if my dog could come out for a playdate. Okay I wasn't blunt enough the first time so I emailed him saying my month was pretty crazy (true) but I'm sure we'd see him at a meetup sometime soon.That's it. Short and sweet.
In retrospect I can see some people saying my response wasn't direct enough, but seriously! I didn't say "Oh darn I'd love to but I'm actually really busy the next few weeks. Why don't you give me your number and I'll call you to set something up in a couple weeks when things slow down." No. I said quite the opposite in my opinion. Just politely. Again mentioning SHE'S just not that into tip #1: she always suggests PUBLIC outings. There was a reply saying he understood, etc etc. I did not reply because it was unnecessary.
Alas! the saga was not complete. Tonight I got the THIRD email. He professed his infatuation people! Saying the hike's views are nothing in comparison to my smile. (Sweet Jesus! Wha? Why? Ugh.)
He said he's shy, but he wanted to seize the moment and had to ask or he'd regret it. He'd really like to get to know me better. (I'm banging my head against the wall as I read this) What can I say? Well I know what I want to say but how do I say it without hurting this guy's feelings too bad? He took a chance, made it seem like it was hard for him to do. I get that. I do. But this girl is just not that into you and she's going to have to make sure she gets that point across this time.
