A single, 30-something trying to figure it all out.

Eharmony.com or Match.com ?

Years ago I was a member of Match.com and guess you could say I had a fair amount of success. I actually dated a guy for about 6 months and then a couple months later I met a guy through the site who I ended up dating for almost two years. Obviously, since I'm blogging for you here and now, those relationships ended. Not that I'm blaming Match.com by any means.

However when I decided to take the leap into the on-line dating scene again I went with Eharmony.com. Although I've heard some people express some frustrations with the way Eharmony.com works vs Match.com I think these differences *fingers crossed! will ultimately match me with someone who is better in the long run.

Match.com lets you search through other member's profiles and freely converse with anyone who you find interesting. This is the key difference - Eharmony on the other hand has you fill out a good sized survey FIRST, along with profile questions that are visible to matches, and then they send you profiles/people that their computers say are truly matched to your personality and relationship needs/wants. You cannot search through profiles on Eharmony.com. Which is the biggest frustration I hear from other women when I bring up "Match.com or Eharmony?"

Another difference is that you can't just dismiss profile "Joe-Schmoe" after just browsing. Eharmony.com has "guided communication" and the first step after you are sent a match and you review their profile is to send them 5 questions that have multiple chose answers. This allows you to start to get to know the person a bit more before diving into full conversation/emails. This may seem annoying, ie; the guy who puts his car and one of the 5 things he can't live without. I want to close that match right away. How boring! No creativity & no fun! However I can't just dismiss him. I can do nothing & just leave his profile in my list of matches, but I can't close the match until I at least exchange those 5 questions/answers with him. I think this method is actually really good when you think about truly pursuing a long-term relationship. I can't immediately dismiss a guy because I'm not overly attracted to him or I think he's too literal for putting "car" or "oxygen" in his "Can't Live With-outs". Eharmony thinks we have a lot in common so it's worth asking him some questions (that you don't even have to think of yourself) to see if he makes you laugh or you do have more in common that first appeared. OR if there are more red-flags in his answers/questions and then you can decide to make the educated decision to close the match.

Sure I dated two guys from Match.com but we were not well-matched in MANY different aspects of the relationship. We were attracted to each other in the beginning but long-term we weren't right and didn't want the same things. I'm only 3 days in to Eharmony, but I've got high hopes for their methods. To be continued...

She's just not that into you. 1st installment.

Women are famous for chasing after men far longer than they should. Far longer than many think is rational. Outside perspective sees clearly that the man is either a) just being polite or b) completely jerking around this twitterpated woman who is blinded by her infatuation. Most women, at sometime or another, have been there. Heck, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccilo even wrote a women's self-help book about the temporary infliction that affects so many women. Their book got so much attention that they later made a movie based the book.

But what about when the tables are turned? Men do it too! Below is a story of just such a man. A man who I now believe I'm going to have to beat over the head to get into his thick skull that: I am in fact, just not that into him.

Read on: SHE'S just not that into, part I

I recently went on a hike with a meetup.com group for people with active dogs. The group wasn't big; 4 humans and 6 dogs. Two other women besides myself and one guy. Looking back, as you always do in these situations, you wonder "where did it all go wrong?" There were only 4 of us, did we chat? Of course. There were only 4 of us. We certainly did not talk exclusively or even more with just each other than the rest of the group. He started talking to me about some park/hike he's done and I'm politely listening even though I really am not familiar with the area yet and pretty much had no idea where this place was. We're also hiking and maneuvering other people and dogs so I really only able to half listen & assumed he was just making conversation about dogs and hiking since it was related to what we were doing.

Then out of nowhere: "If you want to do that hike sometime let me know. It's a good one but it's always better with two people." flag #1! Alert Level: yellow. I tell myself to not be conceited. He's just being polite. Brush it off. This first flag it stuck in my mind, and I thought I better nip it in the bud right off. So I went on the meetup site and posted publicly to said guy suggesting that he make whatever park he wanted to do a PUBLIC/GROUP activity. SHE'S just not that into tip #1: she always suggests PUBLIC outings.

Since the hike and my suggestion of the group hike, two weeks ago, he has emailed me THREE times! ugh. His first email was something very polite like "hey it was nice to meet you and your dog. I think the meetup group has it's hikes listed already. Let me know if you want to go sometime, I'd be happy to take you." I don't think I even responded, not because I was blowing him off but things came up and I forgot about the email. A couple days later I got ANOTHER email. It was one of those things were you feel bad because if you were into him it would have been cute. But since you're not it's just "ugh." His second email said his dog was wondering if my dog could come out for a playdate. Okay I wasn't blunt enough the first time so I emailed him saying my month was pretty crazy (true) but I'm sure we'd see him at a meetup sometime soon.That's it. Short and sweet.

In retrospect I can see some people saying my response wasn't direct enough, but seriously! I didn't say "Oh darn I'd love to but I'm actually really busy the next few weeks. Why don't you give me your number and I'll call you to set something up in a couple weeks when things slow down." No. I said quite the opposite in my opinion. Just politely. Again mentioning SHE'S just not that into tip #1: she always suggests PUBLIC outings. There was a reply saying he understood, etc etc. I did not reply because it was unnecessary.

Alas! the saga was not complete. Tonight I got the THIRD email. He professed his infatuation people! Saying the hike's views are nothing in comparison to my smile. (Sweet Jesus! Wha? Why? Ugh.)

He said he's shy, but he wanted to seize the moment and had to ask or he'd regret it. He'd really like to get to know me better. (I'm banging my head against the wall as I read this) What can I say? Well I know what I want to say but how do I say it without hurting this guy's feelings too bad? He took a chance, made it seem like it was hard for him to do. I get that. I do. But this girl is just not that into you and she's going to have to make sure she gets that point across this time.